Midlife turning points
Often unexpected, but never dull!
We often find ourselves talking through things here… I have no idea why, but it's the restaurant we always go to to discuss work, finances, and life in general.
Maybe it reminds us of our trips to Puerto Vallarta, where the food and beverages flowed and putting on enough sunscreen was our only care.
I take a deep breath, the weight on my shoulders easing slightly as I exhale. I wish we were at the beach, not here. It's the beginning of winter, and everything is just starting to sleep.
Nature isn't the only thing seeking hibernation. I've been buried beneath the cobwebs of expectation and frustration for far too long, doing work I was never meant to do. And trying to make the most of it.
Midlife lessons
Leaving a position I'd worked so hard to achieve was never my plan. And certainly not as I neared the half-century mark commonly attributed to midlife crises.
Thankfully, as is often the case with life lessons, I learned a few things along the way.
1 —Walking away from something that does not work anymore is not as simple as it sounds.
While I debated long and hard about what to do in the months prior to leaving my job, I overlooked one crucial thing: leaving on a positive note.
Generally, I operate with the belief it's not wise to burn bridges. (That happened to me once before, and I regretted the way that situation ended.)
Unfortunately, circumstances don't always allow for a gracious farewell. But when it's time to go, it's time to go, whether that is early in your career or in midlife when your priorities start to shift.
Walking away might mean leaving others in a bind, or it might mean simply deciding one day you've had enough. The far better approach, of course, would be to address the problems early on instead of letting them build until you can't stand things anymore.
Looking back, I believe I'd handle my own situation differently. I'm not the same person I was back then. I'm less stressed, for one, and I'm more in tune with who I am and what I need.
An older colleague once told me how much less you care about what others think when you hit midlife. It's like something clicks inside, and you're no longer interested in chasing the youthful standards of beauty, wealth, and careers.
If I had things to do over again, I would stand up more for the things that counted and accepted whatever happened. There is something inherently freeing in doing that for yourself and no longer caring what others think.
2 — When things go wrong, they can do so in a hurry.
Going from two incomes to one is a shock, for sure. But it's exacerbated by the unexpected expenses.
In the span of a week, I kid you not, three major appliances failed in our household. Two others required repair in subsequent months. The financial strain was impactful, naturally, as was the stress of deciding whether to fix each item or go down a rabbit hole and replace parts until the problems subsided.
For us, it turned out to be a blend of both. We spent minimal money trying to repair three of the issues and ended up replacing two large (i.e., expensive) appliances. Thankfully, larger problems like an issue with the A/C was reparable.
3 — Life rarely turns out as planned.
I miss my youth at times... Back then, the sky was the limit. You had a vision of how life would be, whether that was your career, relationship, or social status.
But life always seems to have its own ideas about where you should be and what you should experience, doesn't it? Things go sideways with your job, you face a family crisis, or a creative work you've spent months perfecting fizzles out.
When this happens, it's easy to get discouraged. You might blame it on a midlife crisis or consider giving up.
Instead, why not view these unexpected things as challenges to be overcome? If I’ve learned anything these past few years, it's the importance of rising to the occasion when I least feel like I can and doing what's necessary to propel my efforts forward. This includes taking chances I might have ducked before and learning to shrug off the little things that once derailed me.
It's ironic, really. Once you embrace your ups and downs instead of fighting them, your energy is freed up to focus on the more important things in life. It’s a test of perseverance, patience, and faith, sure. And I fail at it more often than not.
But you know what? I’m still here, and I’m still plugging away.
For now, that’s enough.
4 — Money will control you if you let it.
My husband and I worked hard to pay off our debt and save as much as we could. It’s the only reason I've been able to pursue my creative aspirations.
I’m grateful for all we have and all we’ve accomplished, but there is no denying my salary loss put a dent in our reserves. We’ve been blessed in that we’re still okay and had the money for repairs and other unexpected expenses. (Just don’t get me started on the latest property tax increases or the cost of insurance these days.)
I wholeheartedly believe in monitoring spending and being smart with your money. But spend all your energy focused on your bank account can easily put you in a negative mindset. Instead of being grateful, you're focused on what you lack. Or you're trying so hard to hold on to what you have you miss out on life entirely. I've found that nothing breeds anxiety more than overthinking your finances.
Life is fleeting. Just like the last few years have flown by, so do those precious anniversaries or milestone events... Like turning 50 or having our youngest graduate from high school and prepare to embark on her own life’s journey.
Not that long ago, I was faced with the cost of a few car repairs as well as the expense of traveling for a holiday/retirement party. The first expense is necessary, while the second one might seem frivolous. However, we had not seen these family members for years, and the time we had together was priceless.
Some things, like pursuing your dreams or taking that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, matter more than penny pinching. And the craziest thing about it all? When you try to hold on too tight, it only makes the situation worse.
5 —You're where you are supposed to be.
I'm a Florida Panthers fan, and the 2023 run to the Stanley Cup was one heck of a ride.
After squeaking our way into the playoffs, nobody thought they'd beat the number one ranked Boston Bruins in Round 1, let alone make it to the finals. But they did, and had the team not been so worn down by the end, I believe it would've been their names on that trophy.
But this isn't a lesson on motivation and never giving up as you reach midlife (although it certainly could be).
The lesson learned here is acceptance.
During game seven, the Panthers were down a goal as the clock wound down in the third period. The camera panned to Boston's bench, and they were all relaxed, clearly thinking the game (and series) was finished.
I walked to the garage to grab a drink during a commercial break. "Whatever is meant to be will be," I thought. And I was okay with that.
But the Cardiac Cats (as the Panthers were rightfully dubbed) had more left to give. Not only did they force overtime, but they also scored quickly, ending the Bruins' playoff run and establishing themselves as the Cinderella story for the remainder of the playoffs.
Despite your best plans, or whatever struggles you're facing today, you are exactly where you are meant to be. Let that serve as your inspiration.
Don't let midlife rob you of your dreams
Life seems more like a roller coaster now than ever, and you don't have to be in your midlife years to feel this way. The economy is questionable at best, and people are (rightfully) questioning their priorities in life.
Whether you are just starting your professional writing life or have been at it for years, the need to stay focused on what’s important and what brings you joy remains.